When I reflect on the relationship I had with my mum before she passed away, I think about the many times we connected on an emotional level. I feel like she understood my character, but there were also times that teenage angst got to me, so I acted out. But I also know that most teenagers go through this stage, and that’s when the relationship between mother and daughter is mostly tested.
This is why I have been exploring the mother-daughter dynamics through different perspectives. Some of the fiction stories I have written here on this blog reflect this. I will do my best to break this down. Then I will explain some of the other themes I will be covering.
The overbearing or controlling mother
‘Mums and daughters can experience a particular connection stemming from the shared experiences of pregnancy and childbirth. This biological and psychological bond is powerful, helping you understand and empathise with each other’s feelings and actions. However, this closeness can also lead to high expectations and intense emotions, contributing to the complexity of the relationship.’
In ‘The problem with the Mama Moronfolu’ series, I explored the concept of the overbearing mother who just couldn’t stop criticising her daughter. I wrote this because I have seen this firsthand with so many well-meaning mothers who end up doing more damage than intended when they fail to build up their daughters ‘ esteem.
The worrying mother
‘Until I hear the click – or, more likely, the bang – of that front door, I am gripped by a rumbling worry, drifting in and out of sleep, tortured in the hours before dawn by details of the worst-case scenario.’
Let’s face it, most mothers feel this about their children. They talk about always worrying about their well-being, even when they are grown kids.
‘Dear fear’ is a poem written about the anxious mother. I wrote this poem because my dad started taking on that role as the worrier whenever I ended up coming home late. I believe he took on the role of my mother, especially as she was no longer alive.
The encouraging mother
I wrote about a mother who encouraged her daughter because I believe this is the type of relationship any mother would want to have with her daughter. Mothers and daughters can have amazing relationships. Some daughters go as far as to refer to their mothers as their best friends.
The mother who forewarns
I thought about this after some conversations I had with my mum about life. She told me about the things she learned not to do by watching others make the same mistake. I actually started writing a short story with this theme in mind.
I have started this with something along the lines of…
‘My mother had always told me to be careful of flatterers. I should have listened. I first set my eyes on him on a rainy day, and his gaze followed mine.‘
I think this is the motivation I need to finish this and post it.
The mother who shares the truth about life
Ever met a young woman who was self-assured and confident even though she hadn’t done much? This young woman has been told the truth about life from when she was a young girl. She was probably the first to tell her friends about things that other mums shied away from. She was probably told off for sharing those things with her friends because they weren’t ready to learn about it. She also probably knew deep down that Santa Claus and the Easter bunny are fictional characters. This is what I will be writing about once I have gathered a little more information.
I think I captured this in a poem I wrote about a girl child who is wise beyond her years.
The Mother who reflects and adjusts her parenting strategy
I imagine that there are mothers out there who have made some mistakes when they were raising their kids. I imagine that these mothers reflect and make some adjustments to their strategy as they see that their parenting style is not working out so well. Some of these mothers have the best relationship with their daughters as adults simply because they were willing to make changes and admit their faults. Some daughters may also grow to realise they are a lot more similar to their mother than they realised.
I tried to capture this in the poem I wrote from an adult reflecting on their childhood. –
When did you lose your innocence?
Was it the day you paid your first bill?
Then declared with frustration,
‘adulting is a scam’.
Or the day you realised
you are more like your parents
than you'd like to admit.
Closing thoughts
There are many types of mother-daughter relationships – some complex and difficult, and some not so much. I think that during the teenage years is when the mother-daughter relationship is most tested. I have witnessed many relationships take a turn for the worse in the teenage years, and then hopefully it gets better in the adult years when mother and daughter realise they have much more in common than they initially thought.
I would love to hear your thoughts about some of the mother-daughter relationships you have experienced. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section below.
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Ibs Writes 