A Message For The Hopeless Romantic Who Has Unrealistic Ideas About Love

Dear Hopeless Romantic,

Your idea of love is a tough pill to swallow – it simply isn’t realistic. You overanalyse everything and look for grand gestures that will sweep your off your feet. When it doesn’t come, you feel empty and disappointed.

You have been that way since you watched your first rom-com. You melted as the damsel in distress was rescued by her prince charming. I have been there, I remember the feelings of hopefulness that it stirred within me, right from a tender age.

You put that notion above everything; desperately clinging to the idea that when your coveted partner comes, you will finally be whole. You think that until then, anything you achieve in life is not worth celebrating in its entirely.  

I can’t blame you for thinking that way. Everything you have seen in the movies has echoed this message. Even some of your inner circle of married friends and family – repeat these messages. They single shame you and ask when you are going to settle down. As if being single is some kind of disease. Some even think that if you are not married by a certain age, there must be something wrong with you.

There is nothing wrong with being single

What if I were to tell you that life is for living. That every season is worth celebrating.  Yes, even in your single season. It’s actually one of the best seasons ever! You will look back on this time and cherish it.  Now is the time to focus on chasing your dreams and do your part to fulfil your purpose. So, enjoy this moment. Live it up! 

Love yourself first

What if I told you that you cannot genuinely love someone else until you learn to love yourself?  Do you know how to practice self-love?  Do you truly look after yourself?

When was the last time you told yourself that you are beautiful or that you are special? All these things you want your coveted partner to say to you, do you honestly believe them about yourself?  If not, work on that.

Work on unresolved childhood traumas

Do you have some unresolved childhood insecurities that you are still clinging to?  Perhaps those traumas are tugging at your self-esteem.  Work on those; you won’t want them hanging around you for life. 

True love begins with you

Do you understand that true love begins within you?  Build yourself up for in doing so you will find that you are enough. That you are never alone, your friends and family are your loves too. So love on those you hold near and dear to and work on how you view yourself.  When your partner comes, you will be in a healthy place. That also means you will be able to recognise true love in its pure form. 

Don’t settle for less

Please do not settle for less. The right kind of person is who want to end up with– not just anybody. There is no hurry either, despite what they say about your biological clock. At the right time, it’ll happen. So, don’t rush into anything you are not sure about. You do have time!

What if I told you that if you keep pining in desperation for a much-coveted partner, you will settle for just the bare minimum, and that will cause even more stress. Trust me, you don’t want that!

Having a partner is a nice bonus

What if I told you that having a partner is just a bonus in your life, a nice one at that. The right one will add some spice to your life. Hold on and wait for that because when it comes, it will be worth it.

…And finally

Ditch the rom coms if they are messing with your psyche.  There are many more genres you can watch that will stimulate your mind. You can keep your creative juices flowing with a mystery, thriller, and so much more.

Thanks for reading my blog. I would love to know your thoughts so feel free to drop a comment below.



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6 thoughts on “A Message For The Hopeless Romantic Who Has Unrealistic Ideas About Love

  1. Reading this felt like you are on the pulpit preaching the sermon of my life to me. It us both diagnostic and prognostic 👍

    I didn’t get to watch rom-com while growing up & I hardly watch them but everything you said resonates with me. I have become too glued to my goals that I don’t see the ‘need’ for a partner. I still pray for one, and try to live my best life without getting sapped by societal pressure.

    The only thing I think I need to heal from emotional numbness.
    Thank you, Ibukun

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