I stopped eating the day Dele rejected me.
After months of making eyes at him, he had announced in front of all his friends that I was not his type and should leave him alone. I could still hear their resounding laughs as I fled from their presence, running all the way home.
In the days that followed, I didn’t attend school, feigning a serious illness so I could confine myself to my room.
Tears had become my refuge; I craved its cathartic release.
I gasped at my reflection; bloodshot eyes with gathering bags, scarred and tainted.
For a brief moment, I wondered if there was anything left to live for.
Years later, I thought about Dele and how his rejection had made me feel. I laughed at my childish foolishness and vowed to never let a guy take me to that dark place.
Ibukun Sodipe
The character
A 15-year-old girl who has recently been rejected by her crush wallows in self-pity.
‘He had announced in front of all his friends that I was not his type and should leave him alone.’
Can you imagine what a fifteen-year-old girl with low self-esteem, would be feeling at this moment? She would probably spend ages looking at herself in the mirror and criticize herself.
She would wonder if anyone would ever want her, simply because a guy rejected her.
‘In the days that followed, I didn’t attend school, feigning a serious illness so I could confine myself to my room.’
I actually edited this part several times. At first it read that she refused to go to school but we all know that strict Nigerian parents would not accept that. So she would have had to fake an illness that was serious enough for her to stay in her room and not have to seek medical attention.
Why I used Dele as a title of the story
I strategically used Dele as the title of the story to emulate the way the main character has centered all her pain on his perception of her.
Why I wrote this?
Teenagers tend to have a heightened sense of emotion. It takes a couple years for those emotions to settle. I really wanted to address that because I remember what it was like growing up feeling all these intense feelings in one go.
For anyone who has read my previous posts, it would come as no surprise that I struggled with low self-esteem when I was a teenager. If a guy had said to me that I wasn’t his type, I would have probably had some dark thoughts myself.
‘Years later, I thought about Dele and how his rejection had made me feel. I laughed at my childish foolishness and vowed to never let a guy take me to that dark place.’
I purposely used the word childish foolishness for its effectiveness. It was also the word that came to mind to sum up just how critical I was of myself back then. This is something I am still working on.
As an adult, looking back at my teenage years, there are so many things I laugh about and pin down to just being immature, from the things I used to say to the thoughts I have had to reconcile; I have surely learnt some harsh truths about myself.
A Message to Parents
If you are a parent reading this and you have a teenage daughter, I would implore you to try to be her best friend. She should be able to confide in you about crushes she may have and handling rejection. It is all a part of growing up. Please instil confidence in her by letting her know that she is worth more than what guys say about her appearance.
The moral of the story
Do not let someone’s opinion of you affect the way you think about yourself.
I also wrote this is because I really wanted to get a message out to any woman or girl who has recently been rejected and feels like she is not worth anything. Perhaps this has pummelled you into a routine of self-loathing and self-hate.
I have had many a conversation about this sort of thing, and I know it hurts but you will surely get over it.
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Young Adult stuff is so universal lol I’m an emotional person too. I think this is a great post for teenagers and I really like how you added a parent note.
Thanks Jayne! Deffo there’s stuff I am saying to myself as a future parent too.
I had to reread some paragraphs. You did a great job with this piece, Ibukun.
A child’s emotion is an unstable motion that needs proper attention to avert pointless detention. The social and emotional development of every child must be the priority of every parent.
A child’s mind determines the direction of his/her life.
I believe that parents must be their children’s best friends, and train them to have a high sense of self-worth by treating them right. I studied child psychology to some extent and I know that children learn more from how you treat them than what you tell them. When children are well ‘fed’ with affection, validation and attention at home, they will not be disturbed by whatever anyone else feels about outside.
Parenting in the 21st century is not ‘beans’. It’s a life skill that everyone should learn and develop.
By the way, I didn’t have the opportunity to go into any relationship or ask a girl out until I was in my mid-20s, so I cannot relate with ‘childhood foolishness’ (laughs). I am not sure I have suffered any major rejection but I have been cheated on and badly mistreated in relationships, and I can tell you that it’s a terrible place to be. Whatever happens, a good sense of self-worth makes it easier to pick up the broken pieces of our hearts to make a beautiful piece of art.
Continue to inspire us, Ibukun.
Be blessed and have a great day.
Adeleke
Thanks for sharing from your personal experience. Your points are spot-on! Yep being cheated on is a form of rejection too.