Dear Abimbola,
I don’t know where to start, but our last conversation is still on my mind. I know I have pressured you to start a family of your own. I assumed that you were waiting until you were both earning a considerable amount of money to start a family. However, according to our last conversation, that is not the case. I owe you a huge apology for not being a safe space for you to share your struggles.
I should have told you this years ago, but I, too, had many struggles when it came to conceiving. Our conception of you and your twin brother is nothing short of a miracle. We had tried everything, and we were about to give up when I discovered that I was pregnant. We went to check that everything was fine, and then they told us we were pregnant with not one, but two babies.
After several years of heartache, God finally answered my prayers. I believe he will certainly do it for you, at the perfect time. Just look at me, someone who thought she would never have children of her own, now a proud grandmother of not one, but six grandchildren.
Your twin brother may be good at impregnating women, but I have been waiting to carry your offspring for at least two years now.
I hope you will truly understand that I always want what is best for you. As you have requested, I will stop telling you how much I am praying for you to have children. Instead, I will just continue to pray privately in my little corner.
Your loving mother
Ajike
Some thoughts on this:
As a woman who has had to deal with these comments, I am reminded that the pressure to get ahead never stops. Pressure to get married, have kids, and buy a house is very common. There is a push to keep crossing these milestones in many cultures. Often, the pressure comes from parents themselves who want the best for their children.
If you have ever had any struggle with fertility, you will know that it is quite a painful topic to discuss. In Abimbola’s case, it took a while for her to open up to her mum and share her fertility struggles. Her mum already assumed that her daughter was just waiting for the perfect time to start a family, and that was not the case.
My advice to anyone who feels like innocently asking when someone plans to have kids is, don’t! Fertility is a private topic for many people. They either do not want to talk about it or share it only with people they feel close to.
Enjoyed reading this fictional letter? Join my email list and be the first to know when my next blog post is released! Enter your email below to subscribe.
Ibs Writes 