Dele

I stopped eating the day Dele rejected me.

After months of making eyes at him, he had announced in front of all his friends that I was not his type and should leave him alone.  I could still hear their resounding laughs as I fled from their presence, running all the way home.

In the days that followed, I didn’t attend school, feigning a serious illness so I could confine myself to my room. 

Tears had become my refuge; I craved its cathartic release.

I gasped at my reflection; bloodshot eyes with gathering bags, scarred and tainted.

For a brief moment, I wondered if there was anything left to live for.  

Years later, I thought about Dele and how his rejection had made me feel. I laughed at my childish foolishness and vowed to never let a guy take me to that dark place.

Ibukun Sodipe

The character

A 15-year-old girl who has recently been rejected by her crush wallows in self-pity.

‘He had announced in front of all his friends that I was not his type and should leave him alone.’

Can you imagine what a fifteen-year-old girl with low self-esteem, would be feeling at this moment? She would probably spend ages looking at herself in the mirror and criticize herself.     

She would wonder if anyone would ever want her, simply because a guy rejected her.  

‘In the days that followed, I didn’t attend school, feigning a serious illness so I could confine myself to my room.’

I actually edited this part several times. At first it read that she refused to go to school but we all know that strict Nigerian parents would not accept that. So she would have had to fake an illness that was serious enough for her to stay in her room and not have to seek medical attention.

Why I used Dele as a title of the story

I strategically used Dele as the title of the story to emulate the way the main character has centered all her pain on his perception of her.

Why I wrote this?

Teenagers tend to have a heightened sense of emotion. It takes a couple years for those emotions to settle. I really wanted to address that because I remember what it was like growing up feeling all these intense feelings in one go.

For anyone who has read my previous posts, it would come as no surprise that I struggled with low self-esteem when I was a teenager.  If a guy had said to me that I wasn’t his type, I would have probably had some dark thoughts myself.  

‘Years later, I thought about Dele and how his rejection had made me feel. I laughed at my childish foolishness and vowed to never let a guy take me to that dark place.’

I purposely used the word childish foolishness for its effectiveness. It was also the word that came to mind to sum up just how critical I was of myself back then. This is something I am still working on.

As an adult, looking back at my teenage years, there are so many things I laugh about and pin down to just being immature, from the things I used to say to the thoughts I have had to reconcile; I have surely learnt some harsh truths about myself.

A Message to Parents

If you are a parent reading this and you have a teenage daughter, I would implore you to try to be her best friend. She should be able to confide in you about crushes she may have and handling rejection. It is all a part of growing up. Please instil confidence in her by letting her know that she is worth more than what guys say about her appearance.

The moral of the story

Do not let someone’s opinion of you affect the way you think about yourself.

I also wrote this is because I really wanted to get a message out to any woman or girl who has recently been rejected and feels like she is not worth anything. Perhaps this has pummelled you into a routine of self-loathing and self-hate.

I have had many a conversation about this sort of thing, and I know it hurts but you will surely get over it.   

Thanks for reading my blog. I hope you enjoyed my post. If you do please let me know in the comment section below.

2 thoughts on “Dele

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: